Hmm. That sounds like a good example but I'm not sure entirely that it's something the translation should do if it's not an element of the original song. Of course, if it does use archaic Japanese for stylistic effect, and that's something the more literal translator didn't pick up on, then the better-sounding one would be more accurate. But if it's not originally a part of the language used in the song then in that case the more literal sounding one would be more in keeping with the song's tone, imo.
I think that's an especially tricky topic in that particular example because (from my perspective) a lot of people in English don't take archaic sounding speech very seriously anymore, so it also runs the risk of making people think it's melodramatic or even comical in some respects.